Chapter 12: Re-breathing the Past

In chapter 7, you added in the sensory details needed to bring an event from your past back to life.

In this next step, you’re going to use your breath to experience what happened in your body during that event. The goal here is to feel the things you didn’t get to fully feel the first time through.

Back then, we were too focused on the mission, or surviving the threat. There wasn’t time or space to pause and pay attention to what was happening inside.

We’re going to use our breath to create that space. I’ll guide you through some steps that can help you metabolize emotions that might still be undigested. 

As you’ve likely experienced by now, writing out intense memories can stir up intense feelings. The old fear comes back. Or, the old shock, numbness, helplessness, fury, frustration, or shame…

When those events first happened, it was crucial not to feel those things, so we could keep functioning or just stay alive. But surviving isn’t the same as thriving. Thriving means feeling powerfully joyfully alive, and the source of that aliveness— presence, confidence, pleasure, motivation, and connection—comes from our body.

The problem is, the body is also where we felt the pain. Which means, it's the same place we escaped from when we went numb to that pain. So, to fully experience life again, we need to fully experience our bodies. We need to reconnect with the parts of our body we disconnected from.

All the steps in this writing series matter, but this one has been the hardest for me to follow through on. It's the step I most often try to do half-way. Why? Because feeling those buried emotions just sucks most of the time. It's always uncomfortable, often painful. That’s why we avoided feeling them in the first place!

But if you follow the steps below, you’ll avoid the trap I was stuck in for fifteen years—talking about feelings instead of actually feeling them.

In the rest of this chapter, I’ll share techniques that helped me reconnect with emotions I buried. I’ll keep it simple and practical so you can try them right away.

Before we start, one last reminder: have support lined up for this process. This isn’t optional.

If you need guidance on finding the right person or group, revisit Chapter 8: Two Antidotes to Pain. 

Getting started with Re-breathing the Past

In Chapter 8: Breathing Across Time, I wrote about two ways I've used my breath to re-feel past memories:

1. Re-experiencing the memory as my past self: seeing the memory through the eyes of my past self, as if I'm reliving it, with no real changes to the memory except how I breathe.

2. Experiencing the memory side-by-side with my past self: bringing my present-day self into the memory to comfort and support the younger me.

In other words, I like to switch between these two perspectives:

• Viewpoint A: Reliving the memory as my younger self, fully immersed, experiencing it exactly as it happened—like having a vivid daydream.

• Viewpoint B: Revisiting the memory as my present self, supporting my younger self to create a new emotional experience—ending up with a different take on the original memory.

There’s a number of ways this could look for you. You’ll find your own way. Everyone’s emotional reality is unique.

At the same time, there are patterns in how we humans process emotions. I'll walk you through things that address common patterns. Things that worked for me and that may apply to you too. These steps are a starting point. You’ll naturally adapt them to fit your needs, as you go through them.

Some of the writing below will be straightforward and logical. Some of it is more poetic. This is done to reach as many different parts of your brain, heart, and nervous system as possible. The goal is to "wake up" the places that have been shut down. Areas we stopped feeling or went numb to, in order to keep going.

For now, we’ll focus on Viewpoint A. This is the foundation for using Viewpoint B later. Before we bring our present self into a memory to comfort our younger self, we need to be able to reliably connect with our body.

Remember, this isn’t about changing the past or viewing it differently. It’s about fully feeling what our body experienced during moments of intensity and overwhelm.

Let’s begin.

Embodied Redemptive Storytelling

Step 10: Re-breathing the Past  

1. Secure: Find a quiet place where you feel safe and won’t be interrupted for at least 30 minutes.

2. Re-read: Take the sensory-focused story you wrote (from Chapter 7) and read through it. Use it to bring yourself back into the event.

3. Re-start: Start again, at the beginning of your story. Pause when you reach the first sensation you wrote about (e.g., the sun was hot on my face, my arms were tingling, my stomach was clenched, my throat was tight).

4. Imagine: Drop back into that moment as if you’re there again. Let the sensations you wrote about come alive in your body, just like when you answered the Seven Sensory Recall Questions. Like you’re having a vivid daydream.

Take your time. Move through each of the sensations in your writing. Only move to the next step once you can feel the sensations come up in your body in the same places you wrote about. 

5. Breathe: Begin breathing into the sensations. Breathe deeply and slowly. Inhale for at least six seconds, then exhale gently. Deep, and slow.

When an area of our body is holding tension, it needs oxygen. Imagine your breath reaching the tense areas. We want every nerve ending that created those sensations bathed in fresh oxygen.

Breathe out and let the tension release. Those parts of us don’t need to be clenched tight anymore.

6. Notice Thinking: Stay aware of when thoughts pull you away from your body. This might look like:

• Making up stories

• Judging yourself, or a situation, as:

good/bad - right/wrong - wanted/unwanted - fair/unfair - pleasant/unpleasant

• Trying to understand why you’re still feeling this way

This is all thinking about our feelings, instead of actually feeling them.

When this happens, gently bring the spotlight of your attention back to where the sensations are happening in your body.

As long as you actually are safe, you can tell yourself something like, “It’s okay to feel this now.” Or, "I'm ready to face this and bring my full attention to it".

7. Find the Core: Breathe into the center of the sensations. Identify the “center of the storm.” It may feel like the middle of a cloud. Breathe directly into that spot. Stay with it. Relax your shoulders and face.

Body sensations are never here to hurt us. They’re here to warn us, protect us and guide us.

Maybe instead of a cloud, you feel them swirling and intensifying like a storm, or shifting like a wildfire. 

Wildfires clear out old dead material which helps the remaining healthy parts of the system to thrive. Nutrients that get released in this process return more quickly to the soil than if they had decayed slowly over time. Let the sensations burn until only ashes remain.

8. Honor: Thank your body for protecting you. You might say, “Thank you for being there,” or “I appreciate your efforts to protect me.”

Find your own way of bringing respect, acknowledgment, and gratitude to your nervous system. No one else can do this for us. No words will be more powerful than our own. Our nervous system has always done its best, even when it was overwhelmed.

9. Express: Let your body respond naturally.

There migh be old fight-or-flight responses re-surfacing. Actions your nervous system wanted to take but wasn't able to for whatever reason.

In a safe way, take those actions now. Maybe there was an attack on you that you can now stop, dodge, run from, or evade in some way. Maybe someone got too close and now you can "push them" away. Maybe you wanted to go into a fetal position and weep with grief but couldnt because you had to "keep it together".

Whatever those frozen reactions in you might be, see if you can find a way to express them now. Move, cry, laugh, curl up, stomp, push away, scream or roar. Let emotion be energy in motion. Don’t hold back. Let your body honorably discharge the held-in energy however it needs to.

10. Integrate: Imagine your past self breathing in sync with your present self. 

• As you inhale in the present, imagine your past self breathing in.

When your belly rises here, now, feel the belly rising for the “younger you” in the memory.

• As your past self exhales, you exhale too.

Breathe together for at least a minute. Breathe your past self safely into the present. Breathe your present self commandingly into the past. 

Feel the connection between who you were then and who you are now. Together, you are one strong, Whole human being—someone who has lived and seen some sh*t.

Afterwards: Reflect and Relax

Reflect

Notice the sunlight in the room you're in now.

How many different sounds can you hear around you?

Relax the muscles around your cheekbones and eyes.

How do you feel now, compared to when you started? Notice what shifts in your body when you give attention to the sensations there—when you let them rise, stay for a while, and then pass.

Most feelings only last a couple of minutes when we truly feel them. Some take their time, like a knot slowly coming undone.

Write down any new insights or details that surfaced. Pay attention to any new sensations—sometimes they carry emotions we forgot were there. 

You might notice parts of your written story now feel incomplete, like they were missing pieces. Add those in. The more detailed your story becomes, the more the weight of it shifts to the paper.

Relax

Take a moment to notice—you’re still here. You’ve survived. Drop all efforts for a minute, and just be.

Turn on music that feels good. Eat something delicious. Call a friend and ask how they’re doing.

It’s natural to feel worse after revisiting intense memories—sometimes for a few days. This is part of it. Those feelings will pass. What’s happening is that old energy patterns are breaking down, becoming fuel for new life. This doesn’t always happen overnight. It’s kinda like working out: we grow stronger while recovering, not while lifting. Sometimes things are sore for a few days. 

If you feel pulled toward old habits—like drinking, smoking, gambling, porn, shopping, or something else—notice this, pause and reach out to your support network. Everyone needs help sometimes—it’s just part of being human.

Be gentle with yourself for the next few days.

If questions come up, join one of our No Story Left Behind Zoom meetups.

Building a New Relationship with Our Bodies

I didn’t realize it at first, but when I made it a habit to tune out what my body was telling me, I had abandoned my emotional-self just like my parents had in childhood.

By doing this rewriting, we’re re-wiring how we respond to our body’s signals, especially the ones we tried to numb out to or avoid. We’re getting better at staying connected with our body during uncomfortable experiences—not abandoning it.

When you're ready, move on to Part III, in Chapter 13: What's Your Trampoline?.